First off, a quick check of the week's headlines:

Dirty Trick: Call Girl Scandal Too Tough To Swallow; N.Y. Gov. Spitzer Out

This is a tough blow for the former attorney general known as "Mr. Clean." Eliot Spitzer resigned as governor of New York on Wednesday amid allegations that he was involved with a high-priced escort service known as Emperors Club VIP. Membership has its privileges. Because he was basically busted for wearing the Emperor's New Clothes with women of ill repute, Spitzer may soon be fitted for another outfit -- a little orange, one-piece number.

Exactly how high-priced was this service? Well so far, some reports say it's cost Spitzer an estimated $80,000 in "service charges," the governorship, probably his law license, and maybe his family and freedom. Was it good for you? I just hope the gentle people of the Empire State and all of us Americans can rebound from having our unwavering faith in the propriety of our elected officials shattered.

We Don't Like Ike! Humane Society Cries Fowl, Votes Isenhour Public Enemy No. 1

I suppose it's only fitting that a golfer named Isenhour would make news in this election year. But bird lovers and animal rights activists everywhere say Tripp Isenhour should be a primary candidate to be impeached by the PGA Tour for killing a migratory hawk by hitting a golf ball at it.

Isenhour struck the fowl ball three months ago while shooting an instructional video in Orlando, apparently because the bird was making too much noise. Isenhour has apologized, but the Humane Society isn't satisfied and wants the Tour to punish him. The Tour called the incident "regrettable" but didn't rule out employing Isenhour's tactics on trigger-happy photographers or fans who insist on shouting "Get in the hole!" regardless of whether or not the ball is within the same zip code of its intended target.

Isenhour insists he was only trying to scare the hawk into flying away, not kill it. I've covered this man on the Nationwide and PGA Tours for nearly a decade and can without any hesitation vouch for his character. When he says people who think he could realistically hit a bird from 75 yards away obviously don't know much about golf, believe him:

He's not that good.

And the numbers back him up. Last year, out of 196 players who qualified for the greens in regulation stat, Isenhour was 184th. In five cracks at the PGA Tour, he's never finished higher than 146th. Cut the man some slack. As it is, he'll be the first golfer to have his instructional video marketed through thesmokinggun.com.

Isenhour's currently facing misdemeanor criminal charges in Orlando's Orange County, though it's probably just grandstanding by the local authorities. I mean, seriously -- when was the last time you ever heard of a professional athlete doing jail time for the mistreatment of animals? (Don't click here.)

Still, it goes down as the most high-profile bird death since Lloyd Christmas offed an Icelandic snow owl with a champagne cork. Speaking of a Hooters controversy. ...

Daly Double: Long John's a Poor Fit in Florida; DQ'd by Harmon, Bay Hill

Golf's remake of "Dumb and Dumber" is a one-man show starring John Daly, who's outdone himself over the last week.

First, during a lengthy rain delay at the PODS Championship in Tampa last weekend, Daly bivouacked in a Hooters hospitality tent called the Owl's Nest where he found, among others, the local NFL coach. By the time he left the Nest, Daly had hatched the idea of putting Jon Gruden on his bag for the rest of the round when play resumed. Didn't work. They missed the cut, after which Daly returned to the Nest on Saturday afternoon to chug beers and whoop it up with the locals, including a particularly cheeky female fan who asked Daly to sign her, uh, back nine. He obliged. Why not? In the eyes of many, he'd already made an ass of himself. Might as well autograph one.

Daly's road to perdition took him east to Orlando for this week's Arnold Palmer Invitational. Tuesday, news broke that swing coach Butch Harmon had severed their working relationship, such as it was, saying about Daly, "The most important thing in his life is getting drunk."

It got worse Wednesday when Daly missed his pro-am tee time (possibly because of a mistake by a tournament official) and was, according to Tour rules, disqualified from an event that had not only given him a sponsor's exemption but one which also bears the name of the game's finest ambassador. Nearly everyone looks like a jerk juxtaposed with Arnold Palmer; Daly, by comparison, comes off almost sub-human.

I have no interest in either condemning or condoning Daly's behavior, but I am fascinated by him as a human being. I can't think of another individual more universally loved in spite of -- or in some cases because of -- so many personal screw-ups.

Here's what I do know about John Daly:

1) He's not who we want him to be. By "we," I mean the golf world in general. We'd prefer he be sober, 80 pounds lighter, smoke-free, on time, fully exempt on Tour, winning every now and then or at least occasionally around on the weekends -- on the course, not in the Hooters tent. We still want to see him go for broke on the course without going broke in Vegas or Tunica or any of those places where he seems so susceptible to being yanked in by a one-arm bandit. We want him to keep that Arnie-like connection with those of us outside the ropes but act like Mr. Palmer in the clubhouse. But he doesn't, and he probably never will. So who's fault is it that he'll never be who we want him to be?

2) He's one of a very few public figures whose private life is probably more virtuous than the part we know about. Some of that, of course, has to do with having so often seen him crash and burn. But for every visible flaw, there are 10 times as many stories of how Daly's quietly helped someone who needed it. Ask any of those people or anyone who's witnessed his legendary benevolence and you'll get a fierce defense of his inner goodness. Most of us have good reputations because we only reveal those parts of ourselves which we're happy for the world to see. Daly's the opposite. Unlike the Pharisees of old, it's the outside of his cup and dish that could use some polish.

None of that excuses any of his past or present peccadilloes (or worse). His actions speak for themselves. But I hope we can be united in wanting good things for John Daly for his sake, not ours. And if his best days as a golfer are behind him, maybe he can find work in a field that could use a person of questionable complexion but at least a modicum of inner decency. Like politics. I hear there's an opening in New York.

Grant Boone is a husband, father, golf broadcaster, and sports journalist based in Abilene, Texas. An archive of his columns can be found here. He can be contacted at pgagrant@hotmail.com.

The views and opinions expressed here do not reflect those of PGA.com or The PGA of America.